Don’t you know who to be? Be yourself!

Hi guys,

Yesterday, while I was tossing and turning in my bed unable to fall asleep, I’ve decided to listen to some music. As my internet is sorted finally (what means, there will be posts according to schedule ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), I’ve picked some old song’s list on YouTube, and just dived into it. I was hoping to refresh my memories, as as I was much younger, whole my life used to be turning around music (there was even a time, when my voice was considered as good; unfortunetely lack of practise and changes taking place, when we are growing up, made it become more like cat having his skin taken off while still alive, than singing – so if your alarm doesn’t work, you can always let me know, I will be even better than alarm, as potential robber wouldn’t be able to stand it ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

Going through many songs, of which some I knew very well, some I’ve heard for the first time in my life, I’ve found a song by O.S.T.R., which I haven’t liked that much that time, neither do I now. Any way, at some point it was impossible not to know it, as many people vere getting mad about it (including my brothers who used to listen to it very loudly) and wether I wanted or not, I had to listen it as well.

Any way, even if the whole text of this song seemed a bit too ‘trying-to-be-funny’ to me (and I think this was the whole purpose of this song, it just isn’t kind of music), it had some great take-out to learn.

That time people started getting crazy about being as similar as they possibly could to their favourite stars. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it was so annoying for me. People, who not long before were great, suddenly started to behave, like they have no brain. I felt, like I was surrounded by robots, who had exactly same programms in their head. Some of my colleagues even forgott about their passions, something what made them so speciall and what they were great at, as it haven’t matched to their chosen stars’ style. It was scary.

And than this song appeared. While people were spending hours and hours to decide who they want to be like, it was some kind of advice, to be who ever you are. That’s why I liked this song’s message. Even if generally, it wasn’t that well-written song.

I have a feeling, that I am speaking quite often about being oneself. But I really think, that you can’t be happy, if you are trying to be someone else. At the end of the day, when you are on your own, you want to look at your own face in the mirror, doesn’t you?

Any way, this is all I wanted to share with you today. As usually, I wish you productive day and I’ll see you in my next post

Daria

Holiday? What does it mean?

Hi guys,

Today is my uni day. Last two weeks till Christmas holiday in my uni left. That means four weeks of holiday! But… wait, there is my job…

As you might have realised already, I am a kind of person, who find out about work rules quite late (well, not only work). And while I’ve changed my job, before signing my new contract, obviously, I’ve red it. But, let’s be realistic, it was in February or March, now December started. Who would remember, that I need to book my Christmas holiday in advance (well, propably every, or at least most of the people). So, what is going to happen now, my Christmas days of will be 24th (only because it is Sunday) and 25th of December.

It still wouldn’t be that bad, if not one fact: this means I need to prepare whole Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve day (and maybe night before it), what leaves me with one day off only. As we are short of staff already (well, some people have experience already and were clever enough to sort out their holiday before) and Chrismas period is realy busy, I can imagine how many hours I am going to spend in my work. And this made me terrified.

But today, when I woke up, I’ve realised, that it is not that bad. I’ve thought about single mothers and fathers, who on daily basis needs to switch between many responsibilities. I thought about couples, who hardly make it till the end of the month, and for who it is norm to work unbelievable amount of hours every week. Just to survive. But they can still manage. So I will.

All those thoughts made me gratefull for what I have. Some people might be wondering, how we can manage? How we are able to survive? But still, till we are able, everything is ok. We’re going to be perfectly fine.

So as Christmas is just around the corner (as most of the shops’ decoration remind us), maybe this year instead of trying to prepare perfect Christmas, it is worthed to try and make perfect Chrismas out of what we have? Just try to remind yourself last Christmas. What do you remember? All struggles, hard work? Or maybe those moments spent with your family or friends? To be honest, in my home at Poland, Christmas used to be connected to more intensive chores-load, hours spent at preparing dumplings and all other dishes. Everything in rush. Any way, never happened, that everything was ready on time. And guess what? Christmas always happened and they were great. No matter if there was twelve dishes or only ten, as two more were way too much to prepare.

But at the end of the day, Christmas is about time being spent with family. Whether on preparing Christmas Eve or just having breakfast togheter. It is quite simple thing, but so many people (including me), forget about it.

So, I wish you, that this month of Christmas preparation will be well-spent time for you. Full of meaningful moments and great memories. No matter if you celebrate Christmas, or not, just try to use free time for strenghtening relations with your family and friends. Try not to let Christmas fever take over you. And enjoy your time.

Daria

P. S. I promised you changes on my blog, and nothing changed so far, but unfortunatelly I still don’t have internet connection. Hopefully tomorrow it will be sorted and I am going to set to work straight away. My Wednesday’s and Thursday’s post are the only, I can easily write and post from my phone. So let’s hpe, tomorrow it will work. I will update you, how my internet issue looks like.

Just look forward to something and life is going to be much easier

Hi guys,

When I am starting writting this post, I am in train, going back from my uni. It’s already 8 pm. My classes finished at 4:30, but I’ve decided to stay and work a bit on my assignments. It makes me scared, as deadline of two of my assignments is on Monday, 4th of December, so if we don’t count today, I have only three days to get them ready. It wouldn’t be so bad, if not the fact, that one of them is hardly started so far. First one took so much time and efford.

Any way, today I would like to share with you some advice, which have changed my life for better.

But first, let me tell you story behind it. When I was a child, I loved school (I still do), but what was scaring me was, that each next year of my education was bringing more work, than the one before. At some point, I’ve hardly managed with all homeworks, exams, speaches, projects, etc. I’ve started hating school. Every day seemed to me same: school, coming home, studying, going to sleep. Weekends same, only I haven’t go to school. This was making me so unhappy.

One day, I’ve decided to leave school (obviously my parents haven’t let me do this) and when I’ve informed my dad (D), I could see corners of his mouth rising a bit.

D: ‘Why do you want to leave school? Not that long ago you loved it?’

I: ‘I did, but know I don’t. There is so much to do, I have no time for anything else!’

D: ‘And this is the reason to leave school? In your life you will always have more and more to do. Now your only responsibility is your school. When you’ll grow up, there will be work, children, house… Maybe even more.’

I: ‘But I still want to leave.’

D: ‘I can give you some idea. When you will have some free time?’

I: ‘When holidays will come.’

D: ‘Ok, so when you feel, like you can’t manage, just write what you want to do during your holiday. Every time one activity.’

I: ‘But it will only give more work!’ (Yes, that time writting was for me huge job ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

D: ‘Do this just for three days and we will talk that time’

For three days I was writting activities. I had quite a lot (unfortunately, I don’t remember what exactly, but it is not that important). After that time I came back to my dad.

I: ‘Here is my list. It didn’t help me. I still want to leave school’

My dad hasn’t even looked at my list.

D: ‘How would you feel if you could do any of those activities now?’

I: ‘I would feel relaxed and happy’

D: ‘So now, every time, when you feel you have too much to do, just look at your list and think, that ok, now there is a lot of work. It is hard. But holidays will come and for two months you will be doing only stuff from your list (I think in most countries is different, byt in Poland summer holidays are for two months).

I: ‘But there is still long time till holidays comes!’

D: ‘Yes, but now you have your list, something you will look forward to, so it’s going to be easier’

To be honest, I haven’t believed him. Now I do. Since that time, I always have something, what is going to happen in the future and what I can’t wait for. If I don’t have, I create new one.

It seems silly, but it really works (at least for me). Now, again there is so much to do, sometimes I have a feeling, that I can’t manage, not this time. But very quickly I realise, that Christmas is just round the corner and plenty of time waiting to be used. And work is becoming easier (of course, I don’t want to spend my free time on worrying about pending tasks, so better to get them done before Christmas ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

With this thought I am going to leave you now. I wish all of you to be able to find something to look forward to. And of course, I wish you a very productive day.

I’ll see you in my next post

Daria

Today’s photo is old as well, but if we are talking about Christmas, it seems perfect to me. It has been taken by me last year when I was in Poland and those decorated trees look just adorable ๐Ÿ˜‰

What is the purpose of our life? And why is it worthed to be a good person?

Hi guys,

Have you ever think, what live actualy is? Why we are here?

Long time ago I’ve watched on TV a document about evolution of humanity, where it has been said, that the whole purpose of our being is reproduction. Fine. But still, why do we need to reproduce ourselves, if there is no purpose of human rase existing on this planet?

Ther are some people, who state that their found their purpose. They feel amazing with what is going on around them. On the other hand, we have tons of existence, who has no clue, why they should be alive. And finally some, who decide, that this is the right time, to end their lifes.

To be honest, I have no clue what is purose of life. I’ve heard opinion, that religion. Maybe, but it would mean, than many people who are atheists, shouldn’t be existing. I think, it must be something else, something what includes every and each person in the whole world.

Although I don’t know what is the purpose of life (except my personal opinion), I have some idea, what life is (and at the same time I know almost nothing). But this is, what life is about. Contradictions.

Life is so easy to predict: people are being born, they grow up, set their own families and die. But on the other hand, we can’t be sure, whether we are going to make it to the next day, even hour. So all those things, which are supposed to happen, might not be our things (except death, of course).

It is believed, that if you are good person, your life is going to be good as well. At the same time, bad things happen to everyone, they don’t do exceptions at all.

And finally, as better you are, as more people you are going to meet, who will be there just to keep pulling your legs.

Being good is much harder, than being bad. Let’s take very simple example: if you need money and you have no rules in your life, you are going to simply steal them, or get in any other way (of course if it seems to be easier and quicker than working for them). If you are good, you would prefer to starve, than steel. Feeling of guilt wouldn’t let you carry on your life properly.

Another thing is, if you are good, some huge word unknown for many bad people, is one of your best friends: empathy. Other people’s problems are yours as well. You can’t just walk away if someone around you is in trouble. You try to help, find solution.

What person am I? I don’t really know. I think there are not such a people, who are either good in every situation, neither who are bad all the time. I am trying to be as good as I can, but sometimes, even if I have good intention I make something worse, than it was before I’ve got involved. And on the other hand, person might be just excellent example according to one group of people, but the worse evil in the eyes of the other group.

But to be honest, why shall we try to be good people? It is so hard.

Well, because only being good can help you get real friends, who will be there, no matter what. And who will pass your story about all good stuff you’ve done during your life further.

For me, this is purpose of life. To leave something good behind. No matter how small this thing is going to be. It might be just couple of people keeping you in their memories. Or leave something, what will help new generations. Some knowledge, product, or anything. Something what they can use.

Coming back to reproduction: maybe being human just for this purpose doesn’t make any sense. Everyone can have children. But if we take as a reason for being in this world fact of bringing up children, to make sure they will grow as a strong and good people, this is completely different story. I personally think, that this is one of the most important reasons to live. And at the same time, this is one of the hardest tasks I know, even if I haven’t got any children yet.

These are all of my thoughts about purpose of life. It was supposed to appear yesterday, but as I am in the middle of changing my flat, I have no internet connection at the moment. Hopefully today it will be fine. Now, I am in my universtiy, where I’ve decided to post, what have been written yesterday.

The other think is, if you have red my last post you might have realised, that I’ve changed my schedule after posting it. I hope, you like it and if you have any ideas how to change it, please let me know in the comment below. Only what needs to stay same are Mondays and Tuesdays as my days off, as I need to prepare for my university. Especially now, when deadlines are round the corner.

For now I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria

PS. I’ve add picture I’ve taken long time ago. I found it recently. It looks like in the children’s story. I think, is it worthed to live for views like this, so I think it goes perfectly with today’s post. I hope you enjoy!

A lot of changes? Let’s try to adjust to them!

Hi guys,

I haven’t post anything for quite long time again. Well, this time I’ve got a feeling that I’ve lost purpose for this blog. When I was writting my first post, I wanted it to be my motivation, my weapon to fight with procrastination. But after, there were some changes. I had to cover my friend in her work, while she went for holiday, some personal stuff, my own holiday… All that made me too lazy. Maybe a little scared, too. Huge to do lists made me sick. I felt like no matter what, I can’t manage.

After everything came back to norm, but in October I’ve started my uni and things became crazy again. What I’ve realised is that there will never be a good time to actually start working on my own projects. That’s why I’ve decided to organise myself such a way, that I can work on each of my projects. Now I’ve learn that I need to do everything I can to float, otherwise I’m going to drawn.

So before I’ll go into details, let me tell you, what my actual projects at the moment are:

  • First of all my uni. It’s not a ‘real’ project, but there are a lot of diferent smaller and bit bigger project to do.
  • Second project is website designing. I’ve prepared one project (which by the way is almost ready – ONLY content left ๐Ÿ˜‰ and some other bits and pieces)
  • Recently, I had some more ideas for applications, but my programming have been left behind. Now it’s time to learn it properly ๐Ÿ˜‰
  • Last but not least is this blog. As I mentioned, I have a feeling, that I’ve lost purpose of it. But let me explain later in this blog, how I intend to change it.

These are my main personal projects and goals at the same time. If you’ve red my first posts, you might know that a lot of things I love doing are not included, like books, self-development, etc. But it only looks like.

As you might know, my first website (I have already two more ideas in my head, but more complicated so I need to learn more first, before I’ll jump into it – and finalise my first one as well) is going to be book’s reviews website.

And self-development will be included in this blog. And here we come to changes. This blog is supposed to be full of motivation for me and for everyone (ar at least some) of you, who are spending their time to actually read it. It should have some value. Some point.

At the moment it seems to be completely reverse. So here are changes, which will be made during this weekend and next week, connected to this blog:

  1. Next weekend (2nd and 3rd of December), my blog will change visually and organisationally. Posts are going to be categorised. I’ll try to include some pictures in them, so it will be more enjoyable for you to read them.
  2. Every Saturday there will be new post self-development related. They will show main ideas from different books about productivity, time management, etc.
  3. As I am going to learn programming, I am going to show you proccess of learning. It might be usefull for all of you, who like me want to learn it, but keep leaving it aside. I will be showing you, what I have actually learn every week. Try to explain you, at least basis. My programming days will be Friday and Sunday and programing posts are going to appear same day.
  4. Wednesday and Thursday are going to be my uni days, so I am going to publish posts about my thoughts, interesting things I was reading about, etc.
  5. Monday and Tuesday are going to be my days off and there are going to be no posts published. In case if I’ll know, that I can’t do something on time (too many homework, or something took more time than I thought), I will be able to ‘make it up’ or make in advance during this days. Otherwise it is going to be time for my family and friends.

Till Monday, there won’t be any post published, but you can expect new organization in my blog. Let’s hope it will make it easier to navigate and more appealing for you.

Now I am going to sleep, so tomorrow I can start my work with fresh mind. I wish you all very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria

Is procrastination an enemy?

Hi guys,

As you might know, I am interested in self-development subject, so I always try to find out anything new, watch some video on youtube, read some book… It’s so amazing, that our own brain is cheating us. We might be sure, that we can control everything what is happening, everything we do is controled by us, isn’t it? That’s how it works?

So why we can’t do what we want to? Why is it so easy to watch another episode of Game of throne, instead of doing our own projects? Why, when we have some great idea, we can’t force ourselves to sit behind the desk (or get to place where your idea requires you to go) and simply make it happen?

You might have heard, that everything is because of procrastination. You know, this dwarf, who is sitting in your head and every time, when you are sure you want to work, he is trying to change your mind. You know those milion exuses, like Common, when went you for a walk last time? or Watch this episode, it will take only half an hour! What the difference, you’ll work straight after that.

And very often we agree with our dwarf. Half an hour is not too long, is it? Of course, we believe, that we’ll watch ONLY ONE episode. But our dwarf is very clever. He will try to tell us, that before we’ll start, we need to do a lot of other things and we don’t know how, but it becomes midnight already (and your dwarf will tell you Hey, man! It’s midnight. Go to bed, tomorrow after work/school you’ll do this).

As we can see, procrastination is guilty. But why she is so bad to us? Why she ruins our dreams and plans? Why we are keeping such creature in our heads?

I’ve watched very interesting video on polish youtube. It might be hard for you to watch, as it is in polish. But anyway, it is Damian’s Redmer channel called Rozwojowiec. He prepares presentations about self-developing. He shows a lot of references to different kind of sources. Video I am talking about is an extract from Neil’s Fiore book.

And this particular video is about what kind of mechanism procrastination is. What is actually interesting, is that procrastination is a way, how our brain is trying to protect us. Funny, isn’t it?

How does it protect us? It try to make sure, we are not suffering from stress. Especially when we are perfectionist, we like to do everything perfectly. We are afraid, that thing we are working on is going to be just average.

The other thing is, that we fear to fail. A lot of people doesn’t take any action, because they are afraid, they are going to fail. And what will people around say?

Another thing is, that a lot of people define themself by their work. If they would not do perfect job, their self-esteem would suffer.

But the most interesting is the fact, that a lot of people are afraid of success. Who wouldn’t like to be successful? But stil, it is some kind of stress. As you know, as higher you go, this more hurt you’ll be if you’ll fall.

All this makes us stressed. And here our dwarf comes. He is helping us to relive this stress. Even if it is only for a short while, at this moment you are relaxed, while watching this ‘only one’ episode of The game of throne ๐Ÿ˜‰ This will multiply your stress after, but unfortunately your dwarf doesn’t know abot this.

So as you can see, procrastination isn’t our enemy. In fact, it is some kind of friend, who has very good intentions, but well, it’s not always good for us in the long run.

It is very interesting, isn’t it?

I’m leaving you with this now. I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria

One Lovely Blog Award

lovely-blog-award

Hi guys,

Today I have been honored with nomination for One Lovely Blog Award, for which I would like to thank toย Ben Aqiba. It is very special moment for me, as I can’t remember any time, when I have been nominated for anything (well, if we can count being chosen as a person who need to some extra things in work… Yes, I have been ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). Another thing is, that since yesterday I am trying to win fight with my flu and I seem be the one who is loosing so far. And this simple think made my day! For sure ๐Ÿ™‚

Here are rules:

  1. Each nominee must thank the person who nominated them and link their blog in their post.
  2. They must include the rules and add the blog award badge as an image.
  3. Must add 7 facts about themselves.
  4. Nominate 15 people to do the award.

So here are seven facts about me:

  1. I am born procrastinator. I always have a lot of tasks and most of them I am finishing in last moment.
  2. I don’t like going to bed, but waking up is a real pain in my neck. When I am in bed already, I could stay there for ever.
  3. I would like to be a software developer in the future, but I am not sure if I want to work as one.
  4. I wish I will have at least five children, but even if not, I don’t want my child to be an only child.
  5. If my do do list would be empty, I would just read all day long. At the moment this is activity, which is one of steps toย Improve my Englishย goal.
  6. I don’t think that my university is going to teach me as much as I would learn on my own during this time, but I believe, that it will help me to build my so-called soft skills.
  7. I am introvert, who love social life. The only thing is, that after every meeting with more than two people or with someone who I don’t know well, I need my time alone. Some kind of me-book or me-my laptop date. Maybe that’s why programming seems so attractive to me.

My nominee are:

Raul Conde

Shivani Vohra

My Voice

Simple Ula

It’s still far from fifteen, but those are people nominated by me.

I wish you guys very productive day and I’ll se you in my next post.

Daria

Consistency is a key

Hi guys,

Today I wanted to share with you something, what is so obvious and so many people (including me as first) is ignoring. I wanted to talk about power of consistency.

Yesterday, while getting ready for sleep (actually I was already in my bed), I watched episode on youtube (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OAywuL0tSLA here is link, but it might be useless for most of you, as it is in polish). Any way, episode shows method (or theory?) known as a slight edge. In short: when you start doing any activity, like learning new skill, on the beginning you need to put a lot of effort, spend a lot of time, but you can hardly see any progress. But if you’ll survive this time, you will get to the point, when with same effort your progress will much bigger. It works same for good habits, like for those bad.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about it. And this does make sense. I remember, when I was starting my primary school, I couldn’t understand even simple thing about math. When my parents got my notes, they were scared. I failed everything what was possible. Every test, homework or class work on my math classes. And my dad made some rule, that every day, no matter wether it was holiday or normal school day, I had to spend one hour solving math problems. I was trying to explain, that this is pointless, math is not going to stay in my head and I am going to repeat a year because of this. They haven’t listen. And even when I’ve lifted my notes, they haven’t let me stop. I was spending one hour every single day, till I was 16 (so for around 8 years!). And I am not sure, if you can believe, by the time I was 10, I was participating in national math championship. By the time I was 12 I was in top twenty math students in my age group in whole Poland. Person, who was on straight way to fail year because of math. And, what most important, I’ve fallen in love with math.

Talent? I haven’t got. But even till now, math isn’t too difficult for me. Just because my basics are quite strong.

And I am not saying this, to let you know that I am so good in math (to be honest after this many years I think I wouldn’t be any better than most of the people on this planet, as I haven’t use math for a long time, excluding basic calculations in shop or other required in ever day’s life), but to show you, what can you achieve, even if you think you can’t, just by putting enough effort to practice skill you will learn.

Today I’m going to finish at this point, as it is getting late already. I just thought, it might be useful for you, guys.

For now I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria

Productivity comes out of nowhere

Hi guys,

Today I’ve decided to share my thoughts about productivity with you. As you might know, I’ve started this blog to find some motivation. It worked for some time, but after it just stopped. To become more able to actually do stuff (not only think of doing them), I’ve started to have note of every time I sat and kept working. It gave me great look into conditions I need to meet to be productive. But I’ve wrote about all situations, when I wasn’t in anything close to being productive as well (ok, let’s be honest: when I wasn’t able to get out of my bed even).

Today, after two weeks of writting my notes, I’ve decided to analyse all data I’ve gathered up to now and see what clues it is going to bring me. And results scared me, literally SCARED.

So most of my reasons, why I haven’t work, when I was supposed to, were of I’ll just check this video on youtube and I’ll start doing those stuff or Let me just play one level of this game, it’s only five minutes kind. As you can imagine, it’ve never ended after one video or one level.

So I’ve decided, that my distraction number one is my phone actually. I got into realisation, that I might be addicted. And of course, I am going to fight with this (which might be hard, as a lot of my activities require phone, including this blog and my uni. Yes, I am this weirdo doing my assesments on my phone).

But I needed someting oposite, something what would make me feel better. I’ve looked up my productive notes’ side. I had something what I need to reduce in my life in order to achieve this dreamed productivity, so I wanted to find something, what I can work on. And this is the best part: when I’ve set to work it was mostly, because my phone wasn’t avaiable at that time (means my battery was low -I have very short wire, so it is very uncomfortable to use my phone while charging).

So here is my main goal for me at the moment: to reduce use of my phone. And by ‘use’ I really mean unneccessary use. Like watching youtube videos, or playing games. Keep your finger crossed for me.

Ok, but why I am telling you about it? If you are like me, leaving everything to last moment, try this way to find out what your distractions are. As my example, I’ve always knew, that I was using my phone a lot, but when I saw how much time I am wasting this way, I’ve realised, why I don’t have enough time for everything what I should have. And even if you know your main distraction, you might find some other, which are adding on as well and make huge ammount of time being wasted. Who knows?

I will share with you, guys, what I am going to discover after next two weeks, when hopefully I will be free from my phone.

For now I wish you a productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria

Can you buy friends?

Hi guys,

Today I have been thinking about friends. When I was a child I had a lot of friends. We used to spend huge amount of time together. I felt I could always count on them.

Now I am living far from the place, where I was growing up. Since I moved out to other country, there is no messages (before whenever we couldn’t see each other, we were texting each other all the time), no phone calls, no any other way of communication. Like we’ve never knew each other.

But let’s say, this is the way it is. We are living in different worlds at the moment, we have our families, new friends and not that much in common, as we used to have.

But this realisation made me remember my grandma’s words: You can’t buy friends (this was her response, when as a child I asked for some toy, because my “friends” didn’t want to play with me, when I haven’t got one). I haven’t understood what she meant by that. I didn’t want to get it for my friends, but for myself, did I? When I asked my dad for this toy, his answear was slightly different: If your friends don’t want to play with you, when you don’t have certain toy, than they aren’t your friends.

But my dad have never finished his lesson by saying. He made a deal. As in my family we had to earn money for any thing we wanted (but not needed – obviously food and clothes we were getting for free ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), he said, that if I really want it, he can increase amount of my duties in order to let me buy this toy. I was very happy that time. Two weeks after I’ve started, I bought my dreamed toy.

Me and my friends were playing with these toys for about one week and we’ve got bored. I felt very disappointed. Something I’ve been working so hard for, was left behind after such short time. But I had friends, hadn’t I?

When I was around 12, maybe 13, we haven’t play toys so much any more. But what became the most important for us were clothes. When something was in, every kid wanted to get it. I remember one day I went to school and all my friends were wearing sweaters with pockets. I had plain one. The biggest nightmare for me was, that any of my sweaters had pockets.

After coming home, I’ve started to begg my parents for one. This time they haven’t agree as I had a lot of sweaters in my cupboard. I remember I went to my room (I used to share my room with my grandma) and I started crying. My grandma asked me what happened, so I’ve told her all story (and I’ve added some complaints about my bad parents, like teenagers usually do). I knew she couldn’t buy me any, as at that moment, she was paying too much for her medicines and simply couldn’t afford for that. But when I came from school next day, she was knitting my sweater. I was so touched, as she had problem with her eyes already and any way she was doing it for me.

When it was finished, I’ve realised that this was the most beautiful sweater I’ve ever had. I wore it to school at the very next day. My friends had a lot of fun of me.

Friends: Who made it for you? Your grandma?

Me: Actually… yes.

F: Are you kidding?! And you are not ashamed to talk about this, like it was the most expensive sweater in shop?

After this question I’ve realised, that actually, that sweater was priceless for me. And I loved it so much. And that i can’t be happy in my life, if I am going to care, about other’s opinion so much. So I’ve stopped.

After another couple of years, there was time to move from primary school to gymnasium. I choose my school togheter with one of my friend and we made sure, we are going to be in the same class.

For first month we were the best friends. But as time went by, my friend choose other girls, more popular. They’ve accepted her, as she’s got a brand new phone from her uncle. So she have forgotten about me. Actually I wasn’t very upset about it. I’ve understood before, that if she would be my real friend, she wouldn’t stop talking to me, because someone told her.

Any way, after that I became friend with much less popular group of girls. And I think, this was the best thing I could do that time. Even though we are not friends any more, they always talk to me, when we meet, I am stil getting birthday wishes from them.

Nowadays, we can see buying friends almost everywhere around. Sometimes we are buying something, just to show our value to the whole world, or literally we are being bought. And of course I am not saying, that if you have money, expensive cloths, car, etc. you must be buying friends. Or if you meet with your friend, who can afford more and he is paying for your bill, that you are being bought. I am talking about friendships, where everything is about money and other belongings. This is said.

One of my colleagues had a lot of friends, who he was taking for trips, holidays and stuff like that. He was thinking, he could count on every single person around him, in case if he needs help. As it turned out, when his father’s company bankrupted, all his friends were gone. There was no one who would help him, there were not too many people speaking to him either. That was kind a sad.

So my conclusion is: you can’t really buy a friend (as long your currency are your belongings instead of personality). Whoever require you to have certain thing or amount of money on your account, will never be your friend. The only what he will be, as those requirements will be achieved, you might get a fake friend, who you won’t be able to trust at all or just someone who will be setting more and more requirements for you. Is it worthed?

Out of my own experience I can say it isn’t. I was lucky, as I’ve met such kind of people when I was a child. I wasn’t very asertive that time, but at least mistakes I have made that time did let me learn without losing too much (maybe except my “friends”, but I found real one at least).

So my advise is, to keep in your mind, that if someone is requiring too much from you, isn’t really your friends. And I am not talking about compromises. Just pure, never ending requirements. For me friend is a person, who accepts who you are. Sometimes it is the only person in front of whou you can be yourself without worrying about anything. Who is there for you, no matter what is going to happen. Even if he can’t phisically help you, he just is.

I wish you all have such a friend already have friend or two like this. And if you don’t have, I hope you are going to find soon.

And for now I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.

Daria