Don’t expect different results, while doing same things

Hi guys,

Today I would like to talk about changes. The reason why I’ve decided to talk about changes (I might have had very similar if not the same title of the post down the road already), is because I’ve changed the one thing that was spoiling my productivity, which is my job. For a very long time, I’ve been working night shifts and as a result, I was running on little to no sleep. Friday night was my last shift in that job (I liked it, just the timing wasn’t as convenient). And as stress connected to me phaving to get ready on time ended, I slept the entire 24 hours. Good thing that we have my auntie visiting us and she took good care of my son, while I was on my visit to the dreamland. I was a bit anxious about my decision but this situation convinced me that this was the right choice. I am still going to work but this time during the day, around my husband’s schedule. However, having a night for sleep seems to be the best choice I could have made.

And I am not going to lie, I still feel a bit anxious about this change. Am I going to manage in my new job? Is it going to be a better solution for my family time-wise? I have no idea, but there is no point in being stuck in a bad scenario, just because of fear that the new one is going to be worse. I might regret it in the future, but hey, I will be able to look for another job, if this isn’t going to work out. This is the worst-case scenario, the better one is that I am going to love my new job and it will serve my family much better than my current job does. So what am I losing after all? Not too much. I might gain a new experience and a great place to work, and at the same time be present for my son. And don’t get me wrong, I was there for my son, but towards the end of the week, when my husband and I had a day off, I’ve slept through the entire day.

So what is the situation at the moment? First of all, I am trying to get used to a new sleeping routine. It has only been a couple of days, so I can’t fall asleep in the evening. Second of all, I am dealing with all paperwork for my new job. While writing this paragraph I am on my way to getting basic training. After there will be only documents to upload, and a contract to sign and I will be able to start work next week. I am also planning to finally get my home organised this week but as always, we’ll see how it’ll go. At the moment there is a huge heat wave where I live and it makes it hard to get to work. But as always, I’ll do my best to push through.

Next week I am going to start my work in a fast food restaurant. It will be challenging on the begining, but all jobs so far were, till I got ised to. And I will also have more time to work on my own projects, so fingers crossed, you’ll be able to read my posts on more regular basis.

And this is all I wanted to share in today’s post. Changes are hard and if you are going through any at the moment, remember that the situation you are used to now also was a change back in time, so I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.


Luckily, failure is a part of a success

Hi guys,

For a while, I haven’t been posting again. Was I failing? Well, yes and no. I’ve spent some days checking where my time goes. I couldn’t believe that I haven’t been achieving a lot each day while feeling busy almost the entire day. Something had to be wrong. And that is when I realised that on average I am spending three to four hours a day searching for things: my keys, documents I need, my craft supplies. Well, it looks like my clutter is the issue or at least a huge part of the issue. During this time, I would be able to do so many things, but instead, I am stuck on one task, just because I can’t find the necessary things to complete it.

This brings me to reevaluate my priorities once again. Dealing with my clutter has become my number one thing on my TO-DO. Just imagine, three extra hours each day. This would allow me to accomplish so many things, and finally, be able to move forward with my numerous projects and plans.

Ok, so you might ask how does sorting my clothes go? It goes great. Am I done? Not yet. Did I do progress in this matter? Definitely! And that’s what counts to me. The recent realisation made me understand, that whatever I can manage to do during the day, I am accomplishing it while looking after my son, playing with him, cooking, shopping and the list goes on. And still, little by little I am doing it. I’ve managed to get on the top of my washing. Well, almost did, but there is no overflowing washing basket and piles of clothes to wash around it. There are no piles of clothes waiting to be folded and put away. My home already looks much better. Where the issue is? My wardrobes and chests of drawers where I keep clothes. They ARE overflowing. However, today I managed to sort out my son’s clothes, so there is a progress.

So if you ask me if I am failing, I will answer: yes and no. I am failing to keep up with my goals but at the same time, I am creating an environment that will allow me to have my space back. So I am kind of a winner too. And at the same time, I spent so much quality time with my son. And let’s be honest: that’s what’s the most important to me right now.

That’s all I wanted to share with you today. I wish all of you as many hopefully days, filled with small successes. Because remember, it is better to make one tiny step forward, than a huge step backwards.

I’ll see you in my next post.


Let’s talk YouTube

Hi guys,

I am writing today’s post early in the morning. All this is because today is going to be a very busy day, so at least one thing I can do ahead of time is to schedule this post and tick it off my agenda. Today’s to-do list contains over 40 tasks. I know that probably a lot of them will be done tomorrow, but just in case I could manage I did plan a lot. Of course, some of the tasks are very simple and aren’t going to take as much time, but some of them, like my YouTube video (it consists of six or seven tasks) have some things to do that are going to take a while. And I would like to get at least three of them done, to be a week ahead. Of course, we will see how it goes.

But as you could see in my title, I would like to talk about my YouTube channel. Or most likely channel. As you might know, it is one of my goals to carry on with uploading videos on regular basis. It helps me work on my persistence and helps me learn about video editing. As I will have more videos, hopefully, a bit bigger audience (at the moment it consists of my husband and me) I will get access to data, which will teach me what drives attention and what doesn’t. And this is always a good thing if I were to work at home. I will always have to sell something, either my service or a product. And knowing about video editing and SEO will be very helpful in advertising.

Ok, but what about my channels? Didn’t I always talk about one channel? Yes, that’s true. But around four years ago I started my first YouTube channel. I’ve posted two videos (which are by the way deleted) but had to give up. It turned up that gaining skills in programming and editing at the same time was more than I could afford at once. But this was my first idea and my channel still exists. After some time I became very interested in planning and organising and I started looking up videos with various planners and was to become a more organised person. I went across a bullet journal community. It changed my life forever. A bullet journal is a planner, which you create yourself from scratch. You have 100% control over things you have to include to make it work for you. So I was watching tons of videos, where people were creating these colourful pages, full of lists, to-dos, calendars and trackers. It was involving some artistic aspects. And this seemed to be the best option for me. I am the person, who always doodles on the margins of any notebook, who draws on any blank space of a newspaper. And no, I am not artistically talented, but I love it. I love trying different media, like markers, paints, etc. And yes, my drawings look like these made by a 3-year-old kid (I am getting better, though). I was having a bullet journal for some time, and finally, I’ve decided to start my channel. It helped me gain some video editing knowledge (although it is still very basic), while simply recording what I was doing anyway – creating my bullet journal.

I’ve never even suspected that it takes hours, if not days of work to create one video that lasts around 15 (usually I have between 2 to 4 hours of footage, which I have to go through, cut any unnecessary parts and speed up remaining parts, trying to make my videos interesting to watch. Just this usually takes at least 3 hours, if we are talking about 2 hours of footage, but still, there is voiceover to record, text appearing on the screen, and so many more things to add. My videos are still quite basic. Sometimes I know that they must be boring to watch, but I am working on skills to create more flow and interest. But so far, I have at least a lot of fun making them, and that’s why I am planning on carrying on. We’ll see how it goes, and fingers crossed that tomorrow I will have three of them done, so I can be one week ahead with my work on videos. And I will update you in my tomorrow’s post.

For now, I wish you a very productive weekend and I’ll see you in my next post.


Ok… what about this goals?

Hi guys,

It’s just the beginning of me changing my life and I am failing again. But this time I am also ok with that. The last couple of weeks included a lot of appointments and some admin work to get my son settled with his therapies. So when I said last time that my home is an unorganised disaster, now it is just one big mess. But we will deal with that also. Especially since only two nights left and I am going to have one once-a-week proper sleep night instead of going to work and trying to live on 3 or 4 hours of sleep and hectolitres of coffee. And I know that the way I am living now isn’t healthy at all, but on the other hand, I don’t have much choice at the moment. This should be another reason why I want to start earning from home. But this is still a long way to go, so let’s focus on the present.

As I did close to nothing regarding deep cleaning and organising our space, my priorities had to change. My goal for this weekend and the following week will be to simply clean it, so we don’t live in piles of dust (fortunately just one week of dust), that our floors are clean and nice to walk on barefoot and so on. And it is not gross (yet!), it’s just that we haven’t spent much time in our place recently. The weather was (and still is) amazing, so we try to spend as much time as we can outdoors. Even most of the admin jobs I mentioned before, have been done from my garden. Ok, but let’s move on to our cleaning.

My new plan, after cleaning, is to first: sort out all clothes as I said before, get rid of the ones we don’t use anymore and keep the ones we are using organised in the wardrobes. After that, I am going to go room by room, as much as time will allow me and throw out everything from all cupboards, drawers, etc. Clean them in and out, sweep and mop the floors under them and reorganise everything in them. Hopefully, by the end of August, I will manage to do so. Just bit by bit, without any stress, just to get all things done.

Due to the same circumstances, my YouTube channel has been on hold also. I haven’t prepared even one video. But as with all situations with my son’s paperwork has been sorted, I am planning to get a video done by tomorrow evening, we’ll see how it will go. And going forward, keep making three videos a week, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Regarding this blog, I hope to manage writing one post a day, as it was planned. For some time there will be mostly updates on the progress of my goals, but I am planning to add some new categories (or series? however they are called). At the moment I am thinking about writing about things I’ve learnt about self-development, maybe reviews or summaries of self-development books? We’ll see how it goes when my place will be a bit more sorted and hopefully, I will get some time freed.

But for today’s post, it’s all I wanted to share. I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading it and my sharing my struggles and attempts to overcome them will motivate at least one person to do the same. But for now, I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.


Let’s handle our goals: cleaning and home organizing.

Hi guys,

Today, I am going to break my home deep cleaning and organizing home goals into a manageable plan. I have been struggling with keeping my home in order. There are always certain areas of my home which are always cluttered, a lot of my family’s belongings do not have their space and we live in chaos sometimes. Also, I haven’t got the time to deep clean my home either. I mean like move furniture and clean behind them and so on, so this is going to be my goal now. I am going to divide my space into categories (first I wanted to go with rooms, but except kitchen and bathroom it wouldn’t work). My first category to tackle is clothes.

As a family, we have an overwhelming amount of them everywhere. We still kept my son’s clothes since he was small, I have a lot of things that don’t fit anymore. So looking for anyone’s outfit is a nightmare. I also have an overwhelming amount of laundry to do and as good weather started, it is an amazing time to catch up with it.

Here is my plan: first throw everything out of the wardrobes and sort them into three categories: wearing them, donating and throwing away or recycling. All of these three categories have to be dealt with right away too. Things that we are going to wear go back to our wardrobe, the ones that are being donated, have to be taken asap and recycled/thrown away have to go to the bin or art and craft container.

And while all clothes will be out of the wardrobes, I would like to hover and mop behind them too.

And this is it for today’s post. Very short, and to the point plan. I hope I will be able to manage all my clothes disaster till the end of next week but for now I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.


Let the change begin!

Hi guys,

In today’s post, I would like to prepare a plan. As you might know from yesterday’s post, I’ve decided to make another attempt on changing my life. We already established that my priority is my son, so I am not going to include him in my plans, as looking after him comes to me naturally. No matter how much I have to do, I spend as much time as I can.

Since yesterday, when I finally realised what my problem was (or at least I think I realised), I have been thinking about my next priorities. I had some requirements, though. First of all, they had to be either relatively small, or possible divided into small tasks. Second of all, they had to be measurable. So I would be able to judge, whether I am on a good track, or I am not moving toward them. And last, but not least, they have to help me change my environment for the better, make it easier for me to stay more organised, help me feel better, or teach me something. All this narrowed them down to following goals:

Organise and deep clean my flat

This is kind of simple. Having a place, where everything has its place, where I don’t have to look for things every time I want to go out or when I need to do something, will save me a lot of time and as a result, will give more time for things that matter. It will also reduce my everyday stress level, by not having to look for random stuff whenever I want to leave my home.

Keep up with this blog

“Wait!”, you might say. “In which universe does this goal meet your requirements?”. And the answer is very simple. First of all, it is going to help me work on my routine. My next goal (after achieving the ones that I am listing today), will be to get some income working from home. I have no idea yet, what kind of work I want to do, however, I will have to be able to keep getting the job done. Having to post every day, is going to help me organise my day in such a way, that I have to find some time to be able to write my posts, and publish them. And after all, this blog is supposed to reflect my journey to becoming a better, more organised person, it will be a great way to come back to it, whenever times will get rough again.

Keep up with my YouTube channel

This goal is also helping me with getting ready to work from home, but it is also an outlet for me to let my creativity do its work. It also forces me to learn drawing and video editing, which are on my ‘I always wanted to be able to do it’ list. But, what is more important to me, it helps me with speaking English.

Learn programming

This one is a bit lower in priorities at the moment, but programming is a skill that gives a lot of opportunities to earn money from home, either as a freelancer or employee. So at the moment, whenever I have some time on hand, I am going to try to learn as much as I can. As my previous goals will become a part of my routine (hopefully), I should be able to make it an everyday thing.

And these are all of the goals I am about to start working on at the moment. They might change with time, but at least I have something to start with.

And that’s all I wanted to share today. I wish you a productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.


Starting over?

Hi guys,

Recently, I have been wondering whether I should keep this blog or let it go. Especially since my hosting was about to expire (I think that it has been expired for a while). When I started writing posts, in the beginning daily, after some time I was posting less, than again daily. I’ve tried to keep this blog as my motivation for everyone (especially myself) to help them find strength when there is no willpower to achieve their goals. However, I’ve been failing every time. I’ve set very high expectations and I haven’t achieved even the bare minimum.

So this is where my process of questioning the point of having this blog started. To be honest, process of questioning my entire life. I couldn’t keep up with anything, let alone this blog. My place on the internet, where I was supposed to be coming back in the future when times will get rough. As you might know from one of the last posts I’ve published, at the beginning of this year my dad passed away. It was so unexpected that we could not believe that, even seeing him for the last time after hearing the worst news the one can get about their loved ones. This was the hardest thing I had to go through so far. I was not capable to function. Bare minimum became my normal for a long time. And bare minimum means taking care of my son while my husband was at work. As soon as he got home, I was locking myself in a room and kept crying. I felt like I will never be able to move on after this. Although, it is better, I don’t think my life will ever be the same.

During that time, I visited my blog to find my motivation. And reading posts of younger me being excited and determined to change her life for a better and more productive one was kind of frustrating. If I could, I would ask this young girl, what was the point if nothing changed since then. I knew, that all attempts to being more organised and not having a to-do list full of tasks to be moved over and over to the next day. It was making me more and more depressed.

But as I was reading all these posts I came over to the one, where I announced that my son was born. I’ve written it just a few hours after he was in this world, waiting to be able to see him for the first time, wondering how does he look like. The only thing I knew at that time, was that he is stable in the NICU, that he had some problems with breathing, but now it’s much better. And I was just waiting, asking everyone who was going there to take a picture of this only baby that mattered to me at that moment. And this one post changed everything. Of course, a change took a while, but this was when I’ve started realising what this blog gave me.

I kept a record here of all my failures, but also a record of this girl, who got up each time to try something else, and adjust. These posts here are about a mother, who tried to figure out simple things about her child, how to keep home clean when there is a whole new person to look after and a full-time job to go to. A mother, who failed in everything, but kept her child safe but most of all loved. And that’s what made me understand what the mistake of the younger me was. It wasn’t motivation that I was lacking, but priorities. As soon as my son was born, he became my most important task. Many times I had no energy to eat or take shower, but he was always fed, cleaned and as happy as a baby can be. He was my motivation and he still is. I understood that this younger me, got something right, what present me couldn’t. Priorities. I was being selfish, locked out from the world, while my bigger motivation has been playing with his dad in the other room. My brothers and I were the biggest motivation for my dad and he used to do everything he could to help us, and teach us as much as he could and I was about to take this possibility from my son.

So I am starting over. My life, as a person who doesn’t give up. As a person, who may fail over and over again, but at least has her priorities right, no matter what. And I am starting over (or rather keep continuing) this blog. The goal is to post every single day, but this time I can just say that I am going to do my best. Life is life, no one said it will be easy. Especially now, I need to pick myself up, as my son has been diagnosed with autism and there is a lot of work in front of us. And I know, that there are going to be a lot of days when I will feel overwhelmed, but I need to keep going. For my own sanity and my son’s future.

I’ve written this post to be my reminder. As I said earlier, with my son’s diagnosis, life is going to be hard at times. Without my dad being my support, I need to become able to get up and fight, no matter what obstacles and how hard my life is going to get. After all, my son is the greatest joy of my life and there is no hardship I wouldn’t go for him.

So this would be it for my today’s rumbling about everything and nothing, but I’ll see you in my next post, hopefully tomorrow.


Taking life in your own hands… Does it even make sense?

Hi guys,

If you have seen my posts in a past, you probably know that my life is a constant battle of taking control over. I keep trying to find a balance between my work life and family life, I want to get my financial situation straight, I want to keep developing, stop smoking, etc. But you must have also noticed that I never succeed. Something is happening every single time. There is stress connected to this or that and as a result, I am just giving up. With plans to resume during a ‘better time’, I let any progress be jeopardised.

After some time I’ve realised that there is no point in even trying. Whatever I used to do, something was destroying my strike of small successes. And I had to keep starting all over again. I was blaming these small ‘catastrophes’ for all the failures in my life. It stopped making sense to put any effort into changing anything. So I left everything as it was.

But how it is possible for some people to succeed and it seems like it comes to them without even trying, while some people like me cannot manage the simplest thing. Well, the answer is quite obvious: people who succeed can preserver through harder times. They can push through the obstacles and hardships in their life. I have no idea if there is anything genetic, or you get it with your mum’s milk (I’m not sure if this saying exists in English, but it does in polish). Or maybe it happens during life? Maybe, as they manage to keep going with some small things, the harder ones aren’t as hard anymore? Similarly to exercising. As you start, even running a mile might be quite an issue. However, as you keep running regularly, you’ll get the ability to run a marathon.

I don’t know the answer yet. But here I am. I am going to try and push through harder times and see if it will get easier with time. Yes, I know… You’ve heard it before. I stated a similar thing in past. Well, not once or even just twice. But this time I want to be more clever than last time (and time before that, and before that… You get the drill). This time, I am assuming, that I will not be able to carry on every single time, but at the same time, I’m not going to let it put me down. This is my goal, to be able to learn the lesson from my mistakes and failures as they will come, but at the same time be able to move on, tweak my approach a bit if it will be necessary and keep going on.

And after some time, I will let you know from my own experience, what the answer is. So here I am, getting ready for a new start and taking a challenge to finally change my life for the better.

And to make it easier for me to manage, I will have one, just one thing to do every day for one full month. After a month I will decide whether I want to keep the habit or let it go. I was thinking about what my first challenge should be and as there is a NaNoWriMo camp starting in April, I will take a part in it. And my challenge is to write at least 1500 words every day for each day of April. I will keep you up to date once a week, and who knows, maybe after I will be writing every day after that? We’ll see what my thoughts will be and if it is going to get easy as the time flies.

Anyway, this is it for today’s post. I hope you had or will have a very productive day (depending on when you are reading it). And I’ll see you in my next post.


Life is scary… But should it be like this?

Hi guys,

I haven’t visited this blog for a very long time. I’ve just checked and it has been over a year already. During this time, I was thinking multiple times to delete it permanently and just forget that it has ever existed. But something in my head kept telling me that I needed it.

When I first started, I’ve intended to write here about my motivation, about my plans and record my progress as it happened. However, months and years went by and there was no significant change. Except for becoming a mother, as this turned my entire life around in a positive way, but at the same time, it made me less productive than I have ever been. There have been ups and does, but generally not much changed.

And recently everything changed. Not for the better, unfortunately. At the beginning of this year, my dad has passed away. The only person from my family in Poland, who lived in the same country as me. Since I left Poland to move to London, there were just us. My dad and me. We were here and no matter what was going on around us, we had each other’s hand and shoulder to cry on. Although, since then I have started my own family and have a very supportive husband, I feel lonely. I feel like I am alone and there is no one I could rely on in case of any emergency. And I know that this isn’t true but at the same time, I can’t convince myself otherwise.

And here I am. Being at the point of my life, where I have to need to put on a mask every day. To look strong for my husband, my son and my family in Poland, so they don’t have to worry about me, while they are too far to help anyway. I need to look strong and find some energy, to create memories for my son, so when I’ll pass away one day, he will be able to find some peace in the good memories we are creating now. But it is getting harder every day. Getting out of bed, looking after the home, working… Sometimes I need an hour to convince myself to do the bare minimum, just to get out of bed. And this is a scary thing. Life started to terrify me. The way how I feel makes me concerned about what is going to come. Will I be able to force myself to do anything? Or the day will come when I will not be able to start my day? And if it’s coming, how many semi-normal days I have?

All this time I am trying to figure out what scares me? And there is no simple answer, as all those scary things were in my life before. The only difference is, that my dad used to be my shield. He used to be able to give me advice in any situation I might have found me in. He had a solution to any issue going on in my life. Sometimes it was just a good word, sometimes more. The other time he was just there and I knew that no matter what, he’ll be there. That no matter what would happen between my husband and me, he would be there to help me find a solution. And it isn’t that I and my husband are having any problems, but just the knowledge that he was there, made a nice difference.

So the answer to the question from this post isn’t simple. Should life be scary? It shouldn’t. But it is and the only thing we can do is to learn how to ignore it and eventually face it. I’ve heard before that no problem has no solution. And if there isn’t a solution, it is not a problem anymore. It becomes a new reality and we are the problem. We are the ones, who need to change and adapt to it. And sometimes it might take time and a lot of growing. But this is how life is and it has been this way always. Unpredictable, scary… But this is also the thing that makes our life exciting and worth living. If we knew what was going to happen and knew how to solve every problem we face, we wouldn’t be living anymore. We would be following a script, with no place to learn from our mistakes.

And if you are in a similar situation to the one I am in, remember that this will pass. It might be sooner or later, but it will. And as there is the sun rising after every night to start a new day, we are going to have a new start, just to survive these harder times and become stronger through these experiences.

And on this note, I would like to end this post. I’ll see you in my next one.


The most important thing in the world

Hi guys,

Today I would like to share with you another thought of mine. I am a big fan of making lists, trying to predict as much as I can and simply: be prepared. Unfortunately, most of the time my plans stay as plans, never completed, very often just started. Although, since I remember, I always wanted to change my life. Make sure that I will never have to tell my kids that they can’t try a new hobby because we can’t afford it. I also wanted to make sure that I will get my own home, so when my children grow up, they would always have a place to call home, where all their memories will be waiting for them. I dreamed of being able to take them to many places in the world, so they can see how different, yet same, people from various counties are. I wanted to show them the beauty of nature. I wanted to teach them that it is good to stop sometimes and just stare at the sunset or the beautiful view.

Now, I have a wonderful son. Although we still live in a rented home, we can’t afford to travel the world, I can say that I am the happiest person under the sky. I watch this little guy growing, learning so many things each day and I know that I don’t need anything more from life.

And of course, I still do have all those goals in my mind. I am trying each day to make my goals and dreams to become a reality but at the same time, I know what is important in my life. At the moment, I live to be in the present time. I want to make sure, that I am showing the world to my son and watching him exploring his surrounding by himself. I want to be there, to hug him, when he falls. I want to hear every word he will ever learn. I want to show him, that money isn’t the most important thing in the world. That the most important is, who do you share it with? Memories? He will not remember that he had to move multiple time, that he was going for a holiday every second year instead of twice a year. But he will remember that time when we had the best time playing together when we made cookies together or just sat on the sofa and watched cartoons.

Didn’t I know this before? I did, of course. But just a couple of days ago I truly understood that.

Ok, so what with my New Years resolutions? They will still stay valid and I will work hard to achieve it. But first, I will make sure that my son has the best mother I could possibly be. Not perfect, as I will never be perfect. But the best I could be. My goals will be getting done after quality time with my son. Not trying to make it shorter to work on all these goals.

Wish me luck. And I wish you great progress with your resolutions if you did make a list of them. For now, I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.