Christmas: same like every year, yet so different

Hi guys,

Today is the first post after Christmas. Every year around this time, I think about my past, I go through my good choices and the worse one’s, I am trying to analyse what exactly brought me to the point of my life where I am now. I also look at my present. I try to see all the good things, that very often I tend to take for granted. I am trying to be grateful for all the things (not necessary material) I have. But I think about every change I would like to see in the future too.

In this post, I would like to tell you about one thing that I wish to change, although it doesn’t depend on my at this point. And it will explain, why Christmas is a very depressing time for me. I will try to show my opinion about changing the rules given by myself to myself. I’d also like to share a story about appreciation and personal growth. And finally, a story about changes and adapting to them.

I’ve divided this post into the three parts. My childhood, adulthood and future Christmas. It reminds me of Charles Dicken’s A Christmas Carol, which, by the way, was my favourite book to read in December, when I was a kid. In this case, future Christmas is about my plans.

Starting a story, when I was a child, we hadn’t had a lot of money. Throughout the year my parents struggled to provide food for me and my two brothers. It didn’t happen often, but there were days when we went to sleep hungry. However, Christmas was always different. I used to believe that my parents get some special power during this time because there was always plenty of food. Polish tradition includes a twelve dishes meal on Christmas eve. Of course, we don’t eat full twelve plates of food, but it is said that you have to take at least a bite of each of them, otherwise you’ll lose as many teeth during the following year. At that time I didn’t know that they were borrowing money to make memories for us, but Christmas always was a very special time in our family. On the 25th of December, there were always gifts waiting for us under the Christmas tree. Usually small, but Santa Claus doesn’t forget about any child on this special day, does he?

Christmas was also special because this was the only day of the year when all family gathered together for a day. In our two-bedroom flat, there used to be over thirty people. All cousins, aunties and uncles. We had a lot of fun playing and waiting for the first star to appear in the sky. We sang Christmas carols, built snowman and threw snowballs at each other.

Everything started changing when my grandma passed away. Some of my aunties didn’t want to come, because it was hard for them. There were so many great, but also painful, memories. My grandma’s favourite place stayed empty, as no one dared to take it. We could almost feel my grandma sitting there. Especially for the first couple of years after she died, we were just waiting for her to start her story about the time when she was young. It has never happened again.

Another turning point in our family tradition was after my parent’s divorce. Half of the family wouldn’t attend, as they felt awkward and anyway, my mum lost her interest in preparing a huge Christmas Eve meal. That’s how on Christmas there was only my mum, my brothers and me left. It was still amazing, but already a lot of magic has been lost.

Here we are coming to my first adult Christmas. I newly moved to London and I couldn’t afford to buy a ticket to Poland, so I stayed alone. I haven’t got a lot of friends here yet, and most of those who I consider friends went back home anyway. I wasn’t in the mood for preparing a great meal just for myself, so I’ve spent all this time in my bed crying and hoping that I will be able to spend next Christmas with my family.

However, next year I didn’t get a holiday for Christmas and I was trying to convince myself that I don’t need to celebrate this holiday. It isn’t so important.

Years later I am a mother. Although Christmas is still a very depressing time for me, I’ve decided to keep organising a great time for my son, same as my parents did for me and my brothers. I hope that when he grows up, he will remember the time when we decorated the tree together, cooked great food. I hope that he will keep in his memory the excitement of opening a gift and wondering what is inside. And finally, I hope that he will remember having a great time with his family.

To conclude, for me Christmas lost a lot of magic. I don’t have much to look forward. I regret not being able to appreciate this time when I could, but I want my son to feel this magic the same way as I did as a child. And although now we are in the middle of the pandemic, I hope, that we will be able to gather with all family next year and celebrate it all together.

And that’s it for today’s post. I wish you all very merry Christmas and I’ll see you in my next post.


New resolutions?

Hi guys,

I have been thinking about whether or not shall I upload this post or not. All you, who follow me for a long time know, that it isn’t one of my strength to make my resolutions happen. However, I, as probably most of us, had an opportunity to think my life through this year. And the place, where I am now, definitely, isn’t the one I want to stay for too long.

And although I wanted to change it multiple times, with rather poor results so far, I am much more determined to make it happen in 2021. So let’s get to the roots of this blog and please allow me to present you my New Year’s resolutions:

Pay all my debts

This one is quite self-explanatory. I have been working on this goal for the last two years and it is the only goal actually on the progress to being ticked off out of the list. For 2021 there is not much left and let’s hope that for 2022 I will be planning the amount of savings to have instead 😉

Manage to have £10/month passive income

This goal has been reviewed probably a million times. The amounts were changing each year, or the amounts of income streams. Anyway, it did not work as planned. So for this upcoming year, I’ve decided to focus on getting a passive income of any kind, without focusing on a huge amount. To get to big amounts, I need to start first.

Get my son singed in for a regular fun activity

As you might know, I have a little son, who is going to be 2 in April. He is an endless energy volcano. And as he is growing and getting more aware of what’s going on around him, I want to find some fun activity for him to have fun and let some of this energy out. I hope to test a trampoline park and a swimming pool first, to see how he likes it. And I’ll go from there.

Get a hang on meal planning

Since I’ve returned to work, homemade food isn’t an everyday thing in our home. I even wonder sometimes if we shouldn’t get the best customer award from Just Eat. So the skill of meal planning and pre-prepping is something that I will appreciate a lot. And my family too.

Start exercising

Exercising has been a goal that everyone should consider in my opinion. I have been putting it away using the excuse that I am working physically. However, as my work includes lifting, I realised that my back muscles are very weak and it will be nice to take care of them.

Work on personal projects

Here is the tricky one, as in the previous years I have been working on them a lot. However, I always lacked consistency. This year I am going to assign some time for this work and treat it as if it was my contract job.

That’s are all of my new year’s resolutions. For some, it might be not a lot, for others, too many. For me, it is something that is realistic to achieve and I hope to carry on with it.

If you have thought about your resolutions already, please share them in the comment section, I will be delighted to read them. For now, I wish you a very productive day, and I’ll see you in my next post.


One more thing that I’ve learnt since having my son

Hi guys,

Recently I’ve been getting caught in watching my son’s development. It is an amazing feeling to see how every day he is being less of a baby and how every day he is learning something new. These simple things for me and you like walking, holding a spoon or simply communicating what he needs at any given moment, make him more independent.

And we could say, that such a small creature can not teach us anything. He is the one who is learning, isn’t he? For me, looking after him is the hardest, but at the same time the most rewarding lesson in my life. So today I would like to share with you one more thing that my son has taught me.

Let me tell you the backstory first. The company I used to work for has closed down a month ago and before all workers have been laid out for a while, so as a result, I haven’t been at work for quite a while. But as I’ve got the news that there won’t be any returning to my previous workplace, I’ve decided to look for the new one. After consulting with my husband, we got to the conclusion that the best option for us would be if I would start working part-time, so I wouldn’t be too tired to look after our son. However, we all know what times we are living in, and we all know that it hasn’t been so hard to find employment since a long time as it is now. So when I got a full-time job offer, I just took it. This way, here I am working over 40 hours a week during nights and watching my son in the day time. But I have to admit: although sometimes my brain switches into zombie mode for a while, there are moments when I just want sit in a corner of my bed and cry, I am very grateful for having this job and an opportunity to still have a lot of time with my son.

Nevertheless coming back to the story, when I am very sleepy, it takes me a bit more time to figure out what my son is asking me for (he doesn’t talk apart of few single worlds, he communicates his needs and wants by showing us). And he keeps telling me on his way, till he gets what he wants. No matter how long it takes me to understand him, he doesn’t give up till I’ll finally realize.

Where is the lesson? You might be thinking now. All children do this, as otherwise, we would be leaving them hungry, in dirty nappies and even forgot about them sometimes. That’s, of course, true, mother nature made them able to survive this way. As they don’t know any of the world’s rules, there are no impossible things for them. Danger doesn’t exist too, that’s why parents grow invisible eyes on the back of their heads, but this is a story for the other time 😉 But having no limits (at least in their heads), children do fight for what they think they should have (read: everything).

As we grew up, we learnt that we can’t have whatever we want. On the way, our self-esteem got lower too, so even things that are within our capability seem impossible to get. We are not good enough to pursue this or that profession, we are not able to earn enough money to buy a home or car or whatever else we dream of. We can’t and that’s it.

On the other hand, children will keep looking for the other way to get what they want. They will not give up (at least until something else will distract them). Their small goals, which for us are worthed nothing, for them are everything that they want to live for at that moment. And they just go for it.

To conclude, a very important lesson from my son is to stay persistent on the way to achieving goals. Get failures quickly and try the other way. Because you cannot have a destination if there is no road to lead to it. And even if there is no road, you can still be the one, who will build a new one for others to follow.

That’s it for today’s post. If you have a different lesson to learn from children, please share it in the comment. I will be happy to read all of them. For now, I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.