Not always everything goes well

Hi guys,

I haven’t posted anything for a long time. Unfortuately, I’ve lost my pregnancy. Altough doctors were doing all their best, to prevent it.

Today, I’ve came just to inform you, that I need some time for myself, to keep my thoughts together and go over it just a bit.

I will try to come back as soon as posible, hopefuly since next week, but can’t promise.

Have a very productive day, and I’ll see you in my next post.


Curtain’s secret

Hi guys,

My last few days were quite hard. Pregnancy (which I am extremely happy about, but even more than that – scared), many days in hospital (just to make sure everything is alright)… I was hoping to get home on Friday, but instead I went yesterday. It was not that nice: I hate hospitals in general, as you know, you are not landing there if you are fine. I remember from my childhood visiting my grandmother, she used to be connected to strange machines. She used to spend most of her days in various hospitals. At least at some point of her life. I loved to visit her, we were very close to each other.

However, each of those visits used to be connected with some sort of pain. In hospital’s beds people seem to be much smaller than they really are, at least for me. They are pale as well (maybe because of illnesses causing them to be there). And what I would like to say, might seem scaring, but I can feel death there.

As a child I spent my first years of my life in hospital as well. I don’t remember too much from that time. Only thing, what I remember, were curtains over some beds (I was in one room with many other children).

Those curtains were scary. They were there and I could hear crying from behind them, a lot of people. One day, I’ve asked a nurse, what those curtains are and why so many people are crying there (usually only one child was taking a bed). She told me, that parents are coming to take their children home, as they feel better now. I was very happy for them. I was dreaming about my own curtain, where my parents will come not only to visit me, but to take me home.

Everything changed around one week before I’ve left. I had my final tests, just to make sure I am ok. I was getting ready, my parents was with me, but there wasn’t any curtain. I explained to my dad my worries, that I don’t think they are going to let me go home. They always give you a curtain in this situation.

And this was the day, I’ve realised, that people behind the curtain were dieing, instead of going home. I had in my head faces of so many friends of mine, who left this world this way. And it started to make sense to me, why people were crying. Obviously, there were no joy tears, as I used to believe.

I remember especially one girl. I don’t know her age, but older than me (at that time she used to carry me). I remember one time, when only we two were in our room, and she asked one question: “Daria, I am not going to have any children, so would you like to be my daughter?”. The only think I understood, was that we are going to play family and I was glad, that I am going to play with someone, who seemed adult for me (eventhough she couldn’t be older than 15, otherwise she wouldn’t be in same ward as me).

She suffered from cancer. My disease was much less damaging and dangerous. For next few days, we were going everywhere together. She used to look after me, put me into sleep, help me change…

Both of us were of these unlucky one, who’s parents lived quite far from the hospital and could visit us only once or twice a week.

After sometime, I saw curtain around her bed as well. I couldn’t sleep that night. In the morning I saw people leaving her bed. All of them crying. I asked them, where is she and got an answer, that she was in the better place.

I was disappointed. First of all, she hasn’t say goodbye to me. Second of all, she hasn’t take me with her. After all I was her daughter, wasn’t I?

I used to cry like mad. For many days, finally, same women who said to me that my friend is in a better place, brought me a letter. I don’t remember actualy, as it was long, long time ago. But it was from my friend, they found it in her stuff. She wrote, that she is going to wait for me and when time will come, she will meet me where she is now.

I still felt sad, but much better. At least I knew now, that I am going to meet her at some point. Well, I haven’t.

I don’t know why, but since that time hospitals bring this feeling to me. Like you can smell death there (as a child I didn’t know what this smell is, but now I understand). And I still can feel it. Every hospital make me wondering, how many people died here, maybe on the same bed I am at the moment.

This post is a bit more sad, than motivating. But to make it feel better, I would like to tell you one lesson, I”ve learnt by these experiences: you never know, how much time left for you, so make sure you’ll make great use of it. Take advantage of every moment you have, so in case if something happen, you’ll have great memories instead of regrets. Is it going to help? I don’t know. But at least good memories are better than regrets.

So with this less positive post I am leaving you today. And I wish you all a very productive day. And I’ll see you tomorrow in my programming’s post.


I used to say about changes? So find out this (quick note)

Hi guys,

I am writting this post from hospital. I have been feeling horrible last week and I ended up here. I was really scared: no energy, nausea. I couldn’t really get up out of bed, as I was falling down (literally).

After several tests they found out, I am dehydrated (guess what: coffee is not the best way to help you hydrate your body πŸ˜‰ ) and another thing – I am pregnant!

Because of this, I am sorry for breaking my schedule again, but I wasn’t able to bring my computer with me. Any way, I wasn’t really able to focus on my blog (it was great shock for me).

Any way, I’ll see you in the evening in my programming post.


Compare or not to compare?

Hi guys,

Today I am starting writting this post from my break at work. It is last busy week in our company (and I am very happy about this so much).

Yesterday one more person followed my blog and I’ve realised there is already over 30. I don’t know how to thank you. I know it isn’t huge amount, but for me it is a lot. When I first started, I thought, that 10 it will be maximum during my blog’s existence and it is already tripled!

When I’ve told about this to my friends (any of them knows how to find my website yet), they’ve said that this is not so great achievement. A lot of bloggers have thousands or even milions of followers. And of course this is true (propably many of you thought the same), but for me this is not any kind of race. For me this 30 followers means like billions would for someone else. I am so happy!

And all this brought me to todays subject. Shall we compare ourself to anyone? Do we need to be better from anyone?

Those are quite important questions. Let’s say, we are going to try to be better than one particular person. We are working realy hard to achieve our goal and finally we can manage to do this. We are the better one of two. But to be honest, what has had changed because of this? Actually nothing. We can say: “I am the better one”. And that’s it.

My goal is slightly different. I want to be better each day. This is the only thing pushing me further. But each day, I want to be better than I was the day before, not anyone else. I don’t think, there is anyone perfect at every inch. We all have some bad habits, all of us is making mistakes on daily basis (well, if you don’t do anything, you might not, but I would consider doing nothing as a mistake πŸ˜‰ ).

For me success of other people is very motivating. And at the same time, it doesn’t mean, that I need to fail, because of this. I know, that they must have worked very hard for this and I am really glad, that they succeeded.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of people (for example in my work), who would put all their effort to show how perfect they are. I wouldn’t mind it, as any way I don’t need to talk to them that much. The only problem is, that being perfect in their mind means, that every time they make mistake, they need to find someone who is guilty (of course they aren’t, even if there is milion withnesses).

Personaly, I hate people who pull someone’s legs with no reason (and I don’t know any valid reason for doing so). I don’t understand, why being the best is so important for some people?

I slipped out of topic a bit. Coming back to the point: I think, that trying to compare yourself to others makes you such kind of person, I’ve just wrote about.

I believe, that whatever you do, you should work WITH people, NEVER AGAINST them. And this is my conclusion for today.

I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you tomorrow in my very first programming post.


P.S. Cover photo has been taken today. I can’t explain it, but I found it quite magical. I hope you enjoy.

What does New Year mean to me?

Hi guys,

Today is a very first post in New Year. Some days off passed by so quickly. 2017 is alive only in our memories. It seems like everything is like it always was. There is only one but. Now everything is different…

Even if between 2017 and 2018 (actually between each pair of years since I remember) there is no break, it seems like everything has changed. Counting down brings some excitement into our lives, but what does actualy change?

My birthday is in January. So not that long after new year. For me every new year remind me, that I am getting older. I now, that time, when I can say: “I am 26” is almost gone. Yes, I am this girl, who till the birthday (exact hour, when I was born) say lowest age, if asked πŸ˜‰

But don’t get me wrong. I am not sad or ashamed because of getting older. In my head, experience and age are actualy same. Each and every year I feel like I am starting something new. I’m getting some empty space to write in (I wrote about this in my last post). But this time I am more clever than I was last year. I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve learnt my lessons.

Another change (at least for me) is a kick of motivation. On the beginning of the year, I feel like I can do everything. In some way, it is the easiest time for me, to start working on my habits. Chances, that I will not give up after one week are unbelievably increasing.

Another, I think the most obvious change is a fact, that now, instead of 2017 we will write 2018 every time we need to write date πŸ˜€

But for me, New Year means something more. It is always year of something. 2017 was a year of creativity. And it really was. I’ve wrote a few stories (I still keep them in my drawer); I’ve started my bullet journal, where I can let my imagination be free; I’ve started my blog, where I can write about everything. Most of gifts I gave to people were hand made. This really was my creative year.

On the other hand, 2018 is going to be a year of patience. First of all everyday’s patience. I want to be more understanding, if people around me are getting something slow (or can’t get something at all); but also, more patient with myself. You can’t even imagine, how many times in the past year I felt like everything what I am doing does not make sense, just because I don’t see the results. I want to change this year (you might not know, but all things from previous years are carried on into next one). And finally patient with myself as a person. I want to learn, how to understand myself, in the meaning that, let’s be honest, not every day of our life is one of the best days. A lot of them are just horrible. And I want to teach myself, that this is fine. That not every day will be like I wish it to be.

This is going to be quite big challenge for me. I think, that generally when we want to work on our personality, we need to prepare for hard time. But results are worthed trying.

I am going to leave you with this thought at the moment. I wish you a very productive day and I’ll see you in tomorrow’s post.


P. S. My today’s featured picture is London seen at night from Alexandra Palace. This picture doesn’t show it well, but believe me – it’s beautiful!

Happy New Year! And 2018 resolutions :)

Hi guys,

As this end of the year was just crazy, full of unexpected events, guests and many, many beautifull moments, I’ve decided to take break (well, not first time, any way). People, who I haven’t seen for ages came to share this special time with me. Huge surprise, but how amazing at the same time!

Any way, today, while everyone is getting ready for New Year’s party, I’ve decided to use this time to write something for you, guys. First of all: Happy 2018 Year! I wish all your dreams will come true this year and I hope that this 2017 year, we are saying goodbye to, left some great memories in your hearts.

Tomorrow, we are going to start with new, blank page to write on. When I was a child, I liked to think about new year like this. Everything what have been good in all years was kept in memory, but all bad things have been forgotten. That time I was writting in my journal. Everything what happened each day, used to be documented. And by everything, I mean everything. I went to school – in my journal; I ate chocolate bar for snack – in my journal; even I thought at some point of the day, that it would be nice if it were snowing – guess what? – I can read it now, in my journal πŸ˜€ So unexpected, isn’t it πŸ˜€

I’ve lost my point: every year I used to buy new notebook to write in, so for me new year really meant a new blank page (or better notebook). Every 1st of January, when I used to sit behind my desk to tell about everything what happened, there was nothing to come back to. No bad bad things, only good things in my memory. Believe me, amazing feeling!

Nowadays I don’t have journal (well, I have my bullet journal, but let’s be honest: I use it more as a planner, than a place where I can just write every single detail of my day), but I found my old ones. And in the begining of each of them, there is some short summary of my previous year’s resolutions and new year’s resolutions. Every year very ambitious (like for a child), but what is most important, at the end of almost every year, they were just done. In all of my summaries it was written: this was something I wanted to do in the beginning of 2000 year and I’ve done it in this month. Unbelievable!

A the moment, I still do my resolution list, but let’s be honest, by the end of the year I don’t even have an idea, where this list is gone. So today, I am going to share with you some goals for 2018 year (I have another, bit bigger list in my bullet journal, but forgive me leaving my personal goals in secret πŸ˜‰ ).

2018 resolution list:

  • Keep my schedule of blog posts

As you might remember, I introduced my schedule some time ago and so far following it was just a fail. Huge fail! So at the end of the year I want to be able to say:Β Hey, for the whole year I kept publishing my posts ON TIME!”.

  • Bring projects from my head into the reality

You might know about some of those projects, as I wrote about them in my very first post. By now, I have few new one, being ideas in my head. Some of them where supposed to be ready by now… well.. This year, I want to work seriously hard and handle maximum two big projects at the time. And what really important, I want to have plan: my projects divided into small tasks with deadlines. Hopefully, before 2018 will end, you will already know, that some of them are actually done.

  • Start doing my university assignments when they are posted, not week before deadline

Yep, even if I know, that something will take a lot of time, I procrastinate it a lot, so when I am starting, I have only little time to finish it (be honest, not as well as I wish to) and only if I will not sleep for at least two or three nights providing my organism with huge ammount of coffee. Well, this new year I want to change it.

  • Last, but not least is to be more consistent

This is the harder one for me. I like to start a lot of different things, but quite quickly I am giving up. Even before I am able to judge, whether this particular activity is right for me or not. This was always a big challenge for me, but since this year, I want to make sure, that whatever I will start doing, I will do it consistently for at least half year.


And those are all my resolutions I want to share. There are some more, but as I said before, they are very personal.

So again, I wish you a happy New Year. I hope it will be much better than 2017 (even if 2017 was perfect, it can always be better πŸ˜‰ ). Now I wish you great new year’s party. I hope you will enjoy it and stay safe.

I’ll see you in brand new 2018 year.


P.S. I will up date post after New Year with New Years cover photo πŸ˜‰

Five tips to survive bad day

Hi guys,

Today I wanted to talk about some positive stuff. You know, Christmas is coming, there is only happiness around… Well, unfortunately not. For me, it was very tough day. Not because it was too much to do or something like this. Just one of those days, when you are waking up and everything annoys you. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

I don’t experience a lot of this kind of days to often, but when they are coming… just make sure you are as far from me as possible πŸ˜‰ You know, for safety reasons.

Of course I am joking. Even during tough days, I’m trying not to react on innocent people around me. When I was a child, it was almost impossible. I used to argue with everyone who appeared on my way. I will be honest with you: I didn’t care, how much I am hurting my family and friends at that time. It was just coming, making huge mess in my life and going away next day. My mood used to come to norm, I was a very positive person again.

However, all mess around haven’t disappeared with my bad day. All unnecessary arguments, upset people and bad emotions stayed. Usually it wasn’t that easy to repair everything, as it was to ruin it. Some of my friends weren’t so willing to forgive me straight away (and let’s be honest, I could understand this).

That’s why I’ve understood, that I need to find some way, to keep myself away from hurting people, just because it is not my day. And here are some tips, for those days:

1. If you don’t have to go anywhere, stay at home

I know, it seems very obvious, but (especially when I was much younger) I used to agree to meet my friends, even though I knew how it is going to end. After I understood, that one day alone will be the best solution. A cup of tea and coffee can change a lot, believe me.

2. Use you headphones

Do you remember point 1? Of course you do, you’ve just red it. I know you might thing something similar toΒ “Right, and what about all my responsibilities?”. We all know, that very often we can’t stay at home. We need to go to work, do some shopping, pick up kids from school, etc. List seems to be endless (what by the way annoys you even more πŸ˜‰ ). Solution of this might be very simple: just use your headphones, as much as you can. Put some relaxing, cheering music on and carry on. It’s just one day, isn’t it? After everything is going to come back to norm. But you should remember about some basic rules of behavior, so you are not going to offend anyone. Just make some excuse when people are talking to each other and you don’t participate any way. Something like:Β “I am sorry, but I have headache (or anything else) and I just need a little time on my own. Do you mind if I’ll just put my headphones for a while?”.Β Mostly people will say, that of course, it isn’t any problem.

3. Try to fill your day with tasks, you need to do without anyone’s help

In my case, as much I have to do during my rough days, as worse I feel at the beginning. Let’s make it clear: not too many people like to work. Especially in this state of mind. But who said about work? Just plan your day, to make sure, that most of your “tasks” will make you happy. Do you have some hobby, which you haven’t spend time on for ages? Do this today! Your workload doesn’t allow you to spend as much time with your children as you wish? Take them for a walk! Any way, it is hard to react harshly to children (at least for me).

4. Exercise as much as you can

Exercising make us feel more happy. To be honest, I don’t know how exactly does it work, but it does. This is the most important thing! It release our mind from stress, let us forget about problems (at least for a while) and it is perfect alone-time. Even if someone insist to accompany you, he or she shouldn’t feel bad if you’ll put your headphones on (any way, it is hard to talk while running; but even if it is possible for you, you can always say, that it is easier for you, when music determine your rhythm). And do you know what? Even if it will not make you any better, you will be tired. After all, you can just take shower and simply go to bed. Your family and friends should understand that πŸ˜‰

5. Just breath deeply

What if your schedule and responsibilities won’t allow you to do any of above? It seems, you are lost… Just kidding! Whenever someone or something will bring you to your patient’s limits (we all know, that during those days it isn’t very hard) just stop for a while, before you explode and breath deeply. This extra kick of oxygen will help you a bit. What’s more, short stop will give you an opportunity to beat your negative emotions and calm down.

These are all advises, which came into my mind. They helped me today a lot and I hope they will help you as well, whenever you need it. If you have any other ideas how to beat this bad mood, let me know in the comment section below. I will be happy to try them out.

By the way, process of writing this post made me feel much better and relaxed. This is a way to let the stress out, I’ve found on the internet today. And it seems to work for me too. So here is one extra idea for those, who has red till this moment: just write about something. It should give you a lot of peace of mind.

Any way, now I need to carry on with my university project (which is huge and deadline is on the beginning of January), so I wish you very productive day and I see you tomorrow in my programming post.


P.S. Today I haven’t prepared any photo, I hope you’ll forgive me.


Was it unexpected?

Hi guys,

Today, I would like to talk about feelings. By the time I will finish, my absense here will be excused. So let’s start the story.

As you might know, I have moved recently (there was some internet problem in my new place, so I mentioned this propably). So my old contract is going to be finished in the end of January (lucky we), but to have a bit more time to find something perfect, we’ve decided to look for perfect place earlier. And we found it. So we have organised everything and moved our stuff to new place, we were supposed to call home for some time.

Unfortunately, very quickly it turned out, that our new place is more like a hell, than a home. We had separate flat, which is a is a result of conversion of big home into flats. Of course it didn’t matter to us, as we had our room, tiny living room, bathroom and kitchen only for us. It was more than enough for us. So what made us change our mind?

First of all, in our building there was shared area, which we were supposed to clean every second week (even if we weren’t using it). My dad realised as well, that this sharing area , where every time someone was spending time, watching TV, and so on, was connected to our electricity meter. That mean, no matter how much we would save energy, our bill would be huge, as there is light on in that room for 24 hours, even during the day, when natural light is more than enough.

You might say, it’s nothing, but for us it was just waste of money. Any way, I had a very bad feeling there. We really liked that place (except the fact, that people were trying to cheat us), but I had this feeling.

When we decided to move out, my dad came again, to take our stuff back (as I said, our old contract is valid till end of January, so we’ve decided to return to our old flat). Me and my husband were in work, so I gave my key to my dad. When he arrived there, my landlord were in our flat. It would be fine, if he told us before, but he just came on his own, when we weren’t there. My dad said, that when he came there, all of our bags were open, what means, he was searching our stuff. My dad called the police, but I am not sure what have happened, as after talking to police, he packed our stuff and left.

So now, whe have a bit more than one month to find perfect place (or at least good enough) for us. Christmas is round the corner and all our stuff are in boxes, we haven’t even bothered to unpack them.

Any way, all of this make me want to ask you a question: do you have this kind of a feeling? When everything seems to be fine, but you feel otherwise? And if you do, do you trust this feeling?

Any way, I am going to unpack at least those stuff, we are going to be using on daily basis. I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in tomorrow’s post.


P. S. Today’s cover photo is made from my window, during one day long winter πŸ˜‰

Don’t you know who to be? Be yourself!

Hi guys,

Yesterday, while I was tossing and turning in my bed unable to fall asleep, I’ve decided to listen to some music. As my internet is sorted finally (what means, there will be posts according to schedule πŸ˜‰ ), I’ve picked some old song’s list on YouTube, and just dived into it. I was hoping to refresh my memories, as as I was much younger, whole my life used to be turning around music (there was even a time, when my voice was considered as good; unfortunetely lack of practise and changes taking place, when we are growing up, made it become more like cat having his skin taken off while still alive, than singing – so if your alarm doesn’t work, you can always let me know, I will be even better than alarm, as potential robber wouldn’t be able to stand it πŸ˜‰ ).

Going through many songs, of which some I knew very well, some I’ve heard for the first time in my life, I’ve found a song by O.S.T.R., which I haven’t liked that much that time, neither do I now. Any way, at some point it was impossible not to know it, as many people vere getting mad about it (including my brothers who used to listen to it very loudly) and wether I wanted or not, I had to listen it as well.

Any way, even if the whole text of this song seemed a bit too ‘trying-to-be-funny’ to me (and I think this was the whole purpose of this song, it just isn’t kind of music), it had some great take-out to learn.

That time people started getting crazy about being as similar as they possibly could to their favourite stars. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it was so annoying for me. People, who not long before were great, suddenly started to behave, like they have no brain. I felt, like I was surrounded by robots, who had exactly same programms in their head. Some of my colleagues even forgott about their passions, something what made them so speciall and what they were great at, as it haven’t matched to their chosen stars’ style. It was scary.

And than this song appeared. While people were spending hours and hours to decide who they want to be like, it was some kind of advice, to be who ever you are. That’s why I liked this song’s message. Even if generally, it wasn’t that well-written song.

I have a feeling, that I am speaking quite often about being oneself. But I really think, that you can’t be happy, if you are trying to be someone else. At the end of the day, when you are on your own, you want to look at your own face in the mirror, doesn’t you?

Any way, this is all I wanted to share with you today. As usually, I wish you productive day and I’ll see you in my next post


Holiday? What does it mean?

Hi guys,

Today is my uni day. Last two weeks till Christmas holiday in my uni left. That means four weeks of holiday! But… wait, there is my job…

As you might have realised already, I am a kind of person, who find out about work rules quite late (well, not only work). And while I’ve changed my job, before signing my new contract, obviously, I’ve red it. But, let’s be realistic, it was in February or March, now December started. Who would remember, that I need to book my Christmas holiday in advance (well, propably every, or at least most of the people). So, what is going to happen now, my Christmas days of will be 24th (only because it is Sunday) and 25th of December.

It still wouldn’t be that bad, if not one fact: this means I need to prepare whole Christmas Eve on Christmas Eve day (and maybe night before it), what leaves me with one day off only. As we are short of staff already (well, some people have experience already and were clever enough to sort out their holiday before) and Chrismas period is realy busy, I can imagine how many hours I am going to spend in my work. And this made me terrified.

But today, when I woke up, I’ve realised, that it is not that bad. I’ve thought about single mothers and fathers, who on daily basis needs to switch between many responsibilities. I thought about couples, who hardly make it till the end of the month, and for who it is norm to work unbelievable amount of hours every week. Just to survive. But they can still manage. So I will.

All those thoughts made me gratefull for what I have. Some people might be wondering, how we can manage? How we are able to survive? But still, till we are able, everything is ok. We’re going to be perfectly fine.

So as Christmas is just around the corner (as most of the shops’ decoration remind us), maybe this year instead of trying to prepare perfect Christmas, it is worthed to try and make perfect Chrismas out of what we have? Just try to remind yourself last Christmas. What do you remember? All struggles, hard work? Or maybe those moments spent with your family or friends? To be honest, in my home at Poland, Christmas used to be connected to more intensive chores-load, hours spent at preparing dumplings and all other dishes. Everything in rush. Any way, never happened, that everything was ready on time. And guess what? Christmas always happened and they were great. No matter if there was twelve dishes or only ten, as two more were way too much to prepare.

But at the end of the day, Christmas is about time being spent with family. Whether on preparing Christmas Eve or just having breakfast togheter. It is quite simple thing, but so many people (including me), forget about it.

So, I wish you, that this month of Christmas preparation will be well-spent time for you. Full of meaningful moments and great memories. No matter if you celebrate Christmas, or not, just try to use free time for strenghtening relations with your family and friends. Try not to let Christmas fever take over you. And enjoy your time.


P. S. I promised you changes on my blog, and nothing changed so far, but unfortunatelly I still don’t have internet connection. Hopefully tomorrow it will be sorted and I am going to set to work straight away. My Wednesday’s and Thursday’s post are the only, I can easily write and post from my phone. So let’s hpe, tomorrow it will work. I will update you, how my internet issue looks like.