Today I have been thinking about friends. When I was a child I had a lot of friends. We used to spend huge amount of time together. I felt I could always count on them.
Now I am living far from the place, where I was growing up. Since I moved out to other country, there is no messages (before whenever we couldn’t see each other, we were texting each other all the time), no phone calls, no any other way of communication. Like we’ve never knew each other.
But let’s say, this is the way it is. We are living in different worlds at the moment, we have our families, new friends and not that much in common, as we used to have.
But this realisation made me remember my grandma’s words: You can’t buy friends (this was her response, when as a child I asked for some toy, because my “friends” didn’t want to play with me, when I haven’t got one). I haven’t understood what she meant by that. I didn’t want to get it for my friends, but for myself, did I? When I asked my dad for this toy, his answear was slightly different: If your friends don’t want to play with you, when you don’t have certain toy, than they aren’t your friends.
But my dad have never finished his lesson by saying. He made a deal. As in my family we had to earn money for any thing we wanted (but not needed – obviously food and clothes we were getting for free 😉 ), he said, that if I really want it, he can increase amount of my duties in order to let me buy this toy. I was very happy that time. Two weeks after I’ve started, I bought my dreamed toy.
Me and my friends were playing with these toys for about one week and we’ve got bored. I felt very disappointed. Something I’ve been working so hard for, was left behind after such short time. But I had friends, hadn’t I?
When I was around 12, maybe 13, we haven’t play toys so much any more. But what became the most important for us were clothes. When something was in, every kid wanted to get it. I remember one day I went to school and all my friends were wearing sweaters with pockets. I had plain one. The biggest nightmare for me was, that any of my sweaters had pockets.
After coming home, I’ve started to begg my parents for one. This time they haven’t agree as I had a lot of sweaters in my cupboard. I remember I went to my room (I used to share my room with my grandma) and I started crying. My grandma asked me what happened, so I’ve told her all story (and I’ve added some complaints about my bad parents, like teenagers usually do). I knew she couldn’t buy me any, as at that moment, she was paying too much for her medicines and simply couldn’t afford for that. But when I came from school next day, she was knitting my sweater. I was so touched, as she had problem with her eyes already and any way she was doing it for me.
When it was finished, I’ve realised that this was the most beautiful sweater I’ve ever had. I wore it to school at the very next day. My friends had a lot of fun of me.
Friends: Who made it for you? Your grandma?
Me: Actually… yes.
F: Are you kidding?! And you are not ashamed to talk about this, like it was the most expensive sweater in shop?
After this question I’ve realised, that actually, that sweater was priceless for me. And I loved it so much. And that i can’t be happy in my life, if I am going to care, about other’s opinion so much. So I’ve stopped.
After another couple of years, there was time to move from primary school to gymnasium. I choose my school togheter with one of my friend and we made sure, we are going to be in the same class.
For first month we were the best friends. But as time went by, my friend choose other girls, more popular. They’ve accepted her, as she’s got a brand new phone from her uncle. So she have forgotten about me. Actually I wasn’t very upset about it. I’ve understood before, that if she would be my real friend, she wouldn’t stop talking to me, because someone told her.
Any way, after that I became friend with much less popular group of girls. And I think, this was the best thing I could do that time. Even though we are not friends any more, they always talk to me, when we meet, I am stil getting birthday wishes from them.
Nowadays, we can see buying friends almost everywhere around. Sometimes we are buying something, just to show our value to the whole world, or literally we are being bought. And of course I am not saying, that if you have money, expensive cloths, car, etc. you must be buying friends. Or if you meet with your friend, who can afford more and he is paying for your bill, that you are being bought. I am talking about friendships, where everything is about money and other belongings. This is said.
One of my colleagues had a lot of friends, who he was taking for trips, holidays and stuff like that. He was thinking, he could count on every single person around him, in case if he needs help. As it turned out, when his father’s company bankrupted, all his friends were gone. There was no one who would help him, there were not too many people speaking to him either. That was kind a sad.
So my conclusion is: you can’t really buy a friend (as long your currency are your belongings instead of personality). Whoever require you to have certain thing or amount of money on your account, will never be your friend. The only what he will be, as those requirements will be achieved, you might get a fake friend, who you won’t be able to trust at all or just someone who will be setting more and more requirements for you. Is it worthed?
Out of my own experience I can say it isn’t. I was lucky, as I’ve met such kind of people when I was a child. I wasn’t very asertive that time, but at least mistakes I have made that time did let me learn without losing too much (maybe except my “friends”, but I found real one at least).
So my advise is, to keep in your mind, that if someone is requiring too much from you, isn’t really your friends. And I am not talking about compromises. Just pure, never ending requirements. For me friend is a person, who accepts who you are. Sometimes it is the only person in front of whou you can be yourself without worrying about anything. Who is there for you, no matter what is going to happen. Even if he can’t phisically help you, he just is.
I wish you all have such a friend already have friend or two like this. And if you don’t have, I hope you are going to find soon.
And for now I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.