Today I would like to talk about future. Yesterday I visited my friend, who has a 12-years old son. Everything would be fine, if it wasn’t that her boy asked her, to bring him a bottle of water from the fridge and she went. I was shocked. To make it clear, he is healthy boy, doesn’t have any disability or anything like that.
So I asked her, why would she do that and answer I’ve got shocked me even more: “He is still a child”. Ok, I would understand, if he asked his mom to cook for him, because he is hungry (this is something, what 12-years old might not be able to cope on his own yet; and it might be dangerous for him, too), but being too lazy to go to the fridge to grab water was too much for me.
I asked her, how is he going survive, in case if she won’t be able to help him? She said, that he is a boy. He is supposed to work and his wife will do everything around the house. My mind blew away. Women, who just got divorced, because of her husband behaving similar way, is saying that this is great option for her son. As far as she told me, her husband is struggling a lot now. He does not know how to cook, wash the clothes or even do basic cleaning. He is being thrown away from any place he rents, as he is not able to keep it in livable condition (well, if I would be his landlord, I wouldn’t let him live in the house I own too). Now, at the age of 40+, he is learning his lesson in very hard way.
And I can understand that this is some part of culture. They are Indian and this is how they have been tought: women stays at home and take care of it, while men provides for a family (and I don’t want to generalise, I personaly know a lot of indian families – by the way, my husband is Indian too – where this rule have been broken many generations ago). But coming back to this way of upbringing, I can see a lot of disadvantages of such way.
First of all, men, who is supposed to be a support for the family is being treated like a king. Women, on the other hand, is kind of servant for him. There is no partnership, no real relationship. And this is what children are watching since they are being born. I saw a lot of families (not only asian), where man was sitting at home, doing nothing, while wife was working, looking after children, cleaning… and serving husband. She looked like she was about to pass away any time; he looked always very fresh, never saw real work.
The sad part is that very often it happen, that being in situation like this man is cheating on his wife. Because she doesn’t look like before, because she has changed. He doesn’t realise that all this changes are caused by him. Because of hard work, she is doing every day, no matter how tored or sick she is.
Another disadvantage is that, when it comes to separation between husband and wife (no matter if it would be divorce, or death of one of them), we have two people, who are not able to take care of themselves. There is a man, who might be able to earn, but he has to live in horrible mess, eating junk food; and there is a women, who had never worked in her life. Who has no experience at all and finding a job is becoming a huge challenge. By the way, I am wondering how these women must feel. For whole their life, they were forced to kill all their ambitions, very often their education stopped very early. And as soon as there is no husband around, they need to learn about real life very quickly, just to be able to survive. To be honest, I feel very sad for both of these sides. As they are these children, who haven’t been tought responsibility and who are grown up now, without any experience in particular fields.
However, there is one thing, which is the worst. Very often these couples are having children. And these little humans are watching and absorbing this way of life. Finally, they are starting to think that this is the way it is. That there is no other option. And they are starting to repeat rheir parents mistakes.
Now, I would like to clarify one thing. I don’t think that there is something wrong with women staying at home and looking after everything, while men is providing for the family. But I definitely think, that not trying to gain any experience in each other’s responsibilities can bring awful consequences in the future.
Propably, you can say that I am not right person to give upbringing advices. I have no children yet. But what I know for sure is that having a children is a huge responsibility. Your job doesn’t end on buying clothes and making sure they ate. You are supposed to make sure that, when they will grow up, they will be ready to start they own life. And this is hard job. I have no idea, what kind of mother I am going to be (as I know that it is much easier said than done), but I would do all my best to make sure that I will not teach them to wait for everything served on a golden plate. In my opinion, this is one of the most important values to tech each child: to work for whatever we need and to be able to care after oneself. Even if my children will have someone to look after them, they will be prepared in case if something happen (at least I will do alm my best to make it happen).
And this is all I wanted to share with you today. Please, remember that children are the future of this world, so make sure you are putting right things into their heads. Of course, mistakes happen to the best of us, but I belive that giving all out of yourself will make a huge difference.
For now I am going to finish this post. I hope you enjoyed it and I will be very happy to read your opinion about this topic in the comment section. And now I wish you very productive day and I’ll see you in my next post.